Like real life, crazy cursed..
I am all jumbled up and yet still have to function..
My husband and my relationship is pretty non existent these days, him dealing with medical issues and me being the insensitive ahole left on the sidelines.
If I do not care enough I am wrong.
If I care too much I am wrong.
The two joys that really do get me out of bed in the morning are my 2 boys, who my whole world revolves around.
I have never been so confused in my life as I do right as this very moment.
Things were supposed to get better.
Life was supposed to make more sense after so long.
Whoever wrote the manual needs to re-evaluate because this year has been the hardest year of my entire adult life..
Nothing I have wanted to do this last 2 years has happened..
Did I mention I am going to be 30 in three weeks?
I had my whole life planned out, and 30 was supposed to be the epitome of accomplishment in both my self and my life.
Instead, I am unemployed, worn down and just wishing how great those have it that can pick up and run away must feel...
I feel like Im 20 most days and kick myself after for being so insecure, headstrong and utterly stupid.
Too young for those who wisdom graces and too old for the ones whos main goal in life is to get wasted every weekend.
Every friend I have ever had I parted with. Most just lost common ground with me, and lets face it, I am really hard to keep up with..
For my birthday the only wish I have is for one day to be perfectly happy..
To laugh without something hanging over my head.
To feel respected, loved, and someone that someone couldn't live without.
My whole life I have only wanted those things, and just when I really think that I have finally made it to where I am going to be okay, something comes and knocks me back down...
Happy almost 30th to me...
Nothing ended up the way it was supposed to... Nothing at at...
