Life has turned crazy upside down.

Today I stopped to look at how everything has ended up, and you know what?
I can't even fathom or comprehend how the heck I got here.
One minute life is something that I could handle, and be okay with, not completely perfect, but okay, and now, I don't even know what to say or where to start.

I have always been the one to not have many friends.
Sure in my younger days I had all the wrong kind of friends, but as of late, I mean actual good friends.
I have always thought of what life would be like if I had someone else to just be around, laugh and maybe take some of the heaviness away that seems to stay in my mind constantly....

I never knew being a friend could come on such an extremely personal and emotional level.

I find my self addicted and drawn to things I would never nor could ever consider.

I feel like I am losing myself, and yet somehow finding myself all at once.

It's been completely a mental and insane discovery.

But.

There is still that part of me that no one will ever understand or know.
That part of me that just wants to jump out of my mind and run away from here.

I have friends but I still do not feel that people, even the ones closest to me,  really understand and accept who I am.
I do not think that many or even one ever will..
I'm okay with that though, because at the end of the day you never know who you can trust and who you don't have to fear.
My mind seems so alive all the time, and if I could spend my days writing about what I think or ponder I would, but not many people stop to consider such silly things, and I guess that makes me silly as well.

I can't say I hate who I have become, because I don't.
I like who I have become and I like how adventurous I found out I can be, but then again, I am fearful of what could happen if such a line is crossed..
Everything could fall apart in one single moment.
It's really a delicate web we weave, and without focus and control, could just get out of hand...

I really wish I could share the exact events that have prompted this post, but realize ambiguity can be one of the best friends you could ever have, and not saying that I have any regrets, but if I could have done things differently, I would have.

You can't play with fire and not expect to be burned.
Even if it's just little hidden burns no one else can see.

Trust if you can, but never let your guard down.